"I'm a sweatybetty get me out of here"

Dear All,

Lessons to be learnt in the jungle:
1) "My that lightening looks pretty, it really brightens up the place."
"Shall we take our umbrella with us?"
"No I don't think we'll need it, its just a short boat trip and walk."
Followed by the most almighty of thunderstorms that left us wet and almost set the floating restaurant, that we fled to, adrift. We were also forced to buy emergency yellow ponchoes that made us look like two wet versions of big bird from Sesame street.
Lesson: always take waterproofs/umbrella to a rain forest.

2)"Is that a leech?"
"Yeah I think it is."
"Wow look at it move, its heading straight for you."
"It is the little critter, quick film it!"
Meanwhile the other leeches hanging out in the local vacinity:
"Is that a tourist?"
"Yeah there's two of them, there watching Larry."
"That stupid ginger one has got his camera out."
"Good old Larry he gets them every time!"
"To the legs boys, time for some leeching."
Followed by numerous leeches attaching themselves to our shoes and trousers. One almost attached itself to my head when Emma tried to flick it off my trousers but only succeeded in catapulting it off the elastic of my sock towards my head. Thankfully I headed it into the jungle.
Lesson: never stop to film a leech.

Our time in Taman Negara was a short but very enjoyable one. After our first night thunderstorm faux pas we rose from our jungle hut clad in beige and sparkly walking shoes (when in Rome?) ready for some trekking.

New Merrels

We took our hostel boat to the national park and set out on our trek to the canopy walkway; a 45 minute walkway set highup in the trees. Within our first 2 strides we began to sweat and this sweating theme continued unabated for the rest of the day, increasing and decreasing in its severity. When we read in the guide book that humidity was high in the rainforest we didnt think that much of it. However, after 5 minutes of gentle walking you realise in human terms that this means you're going to sweat like a fat lad at the Taj Mahal (We had seen a rather large gentleman at the Taj Mahal, who will remain nameless as we dont know his name, and he was exceptioinally sweaty. Thus he has come to symbolise extreme sweatiness). Thus we merrily sweated our way to the canopy walkway, we merrily sweated our way around half the canopy walkway, which was really good and pretty high, as half of it was, typically, closed for repairs.

The canopy walkway:

Then we decided to follow a trail to the top of a hill for a good view of the river and its rapids. This is when the sweating really kicked in. Thank goodness for eyebrows. When we finally reached the top of the hill we realised that the walk hadn't really been worthwhile but we felt healthy after a good sweat. A quick nibble on some dry biscuits and then we began our descent into the depths of leech hell.

Sweaty Bettys:

Luckily for us we had heeded the warnings of the locals who had told us that after heavy rains the leeches can be pretty bad. Thus we had socks tucked into long trousers and were wearing shoes. (Unlike some of the boob tube, miniskirted and flip flopped ladies we saw skipping around the jungle like some Chav amazons (Chavazons?) who we suspect are still in the jungle somewhere being sucked dry by leeches). Therefore, despite the leech onslaught (they move like slinkies with evil intent) following our filming we were able to flick them off with Em's leech stick and escape unsucked albeit with leech fear.

Land of the flying leeches:

Now leech fear is an interesting phenomenom for it makes people who walk slowly begin to walk exceptionally quickly. It also makes people who dont like hill walking charge up hills like they dont even exit. Emma is one of these people and with a good dose of leech fear I could hardly keep up to her. There were effectively scorch marks in Em's tracks as she blasted on the homeward path. We were only allowed to stop for breath for a quick leech inspection and then we were off again. Thus our walk took us about 2 hours for the first 2km and then 15 minutes for the second 2km.

However, such a revelation can be very useful to someone who has collected a sizeable collection of leeches for future usage. Thus the cat is out of the bag and when Em needs to be hurried up a leech may mysteriously appear by her shoe. "Is that a leech?" "Oh my god!!". Leech fear strikes and boom Em will be off like the clappers. Thus no more long drawn out trips to the shops, no standing idly looking longingly through the windows of jewellery shops, no more stopping for a quick chat....the possibilities are endless. They may also be constructive. Em and I are considering doing the Great North Run next year and with a good dose of leeches at the starting line I reckon she could get under 1:30. Great stuff.

Enough nonsense. We departed Tamen Negara on the Dutch bus surrounded by 15 Dutch people who chatted on in their bizarre langauge as we sped merrily towards the prospect of beaches.

Bye for now
Simon & Emma